I see too much, I hear too much. All I feel makes me crazy. I can't eat, can't talk, can't concentrate. I want to live out of the dorm but I can't. My parents don't take my ideas seriously. My head hurts and my thougth are all mashed up like potato. I might be joking around but all that is here is approximately 90% accurate. Is this depression? I don't know.
I have been having this weird feeling for a month and a half already. It all started one night when I went back to my dorm room and all seemed too familiar. I memorize the dirt, dust, grime and all other stuff in my room. I know it all and because of that, I'm tired of it. All of it.
When you have to file a leave pass to leave campus premises, when you have to finish all your laptop duties before 10 PM, when you have to force yourself to study at 8-9 PM, when you have to keep on hoping you are still a member of the family you once eat dinners with, when you have to keep worrying about your family who are pleased when you are away from them, when you have to swallow food you barely like, when you have to undergo rigorous science training after all that, that's dorm life. I want to quit but I have gone too far already. My hard work should pay off and quitting can put them all away.
I can't even end my posts right. I hate myself for pulling myself into this mess in the first place. 3 years ago it all seemed glamorous. I hate me. If I haven't passed the entrance exams, I might have been enjoying my existence right now, outside the four cold walls that keep me to myself. Soon I will get out. Soon enough, I hope.....
I have been having this weird feeling for a month and a half already. It all started one night when I went back to my dorm room and all seemed too familiar. I memorize the dirt, dust, grime and all other stuff in my room. I know it all and because of that, I'm tired of it. All of it.
When you have to file a leave pass to leave campus premises, when you have to finish all your laptop duties before 10 PM, when you have to force yourself to study at 8-9 PM, when you have to keep on hoping you are still a member of the family you once eat dinners with, when you have to keep worrying about your family who are pleased when you are away from them, when you have to swallow food you barely like, when you have to undergo rigorous science training after all that, that's dorm life. I want to quit but I have gone too far already. My hard work should pay off and quitting can put them all away.
I can't even end my posts right. I hate myself for pulling myself into this mess in the first place. 3 years ago it all seemed glamorous. I hate me. If I haven't passed the entrance exams, I might have been enjoying my existence right now, outside the four cold walls that keep me to myself. Soon I will get out. Soon enough, I hope.....
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