Break out in private

I am a giant fan of being alone every once in a while and blasting good music, dancing according to whatever. Its therapy for the muscles and the mind. Here is a song to punch all the problems away to.

The worstestest

Its been weeks since my last post. I am very ashamed so I started looking for things worse than what I did. Look at what I found!







I'm sorry but you cannot 'unsee' what you have just seen. We can now forget about me forgetting blogging. Let us focus all our energies to this horror of an album cover. Have a good night everyone!

In weird ways.

My school has this line of huge white boards with wheels on the 'lobby' and teachers have been using it as a venue for all their concerns and whatever else they need to communicate in text rather than in speech. A certain section was dedicated to the lost and found handled by an awe-inspiring faculty member. 

In the lost and found notices, creative students of my school express their feelings through erasing certain parts of words to make the notices funny incoherent. Look what happened to the "eyeglasses" here:

I do not admire this form of joke, in fact, I believe this is vandalism and is a direct violation of the Scholar's Code. Frankly though, it suggests our students can be creative (but I imagine a multitude of profanities in a Rorschach test), they only need the proper medium to employ. In the meantime, this is actually funny on the surface but these boards are on the lobby and you can't welcome guests or anyone for the matter with a phrase synonymous to "watch out for behinds".

Opening the season with bad news

I don't like working with terms and conditions and I have a domain name, WarpedOpinion.com which gives away the idea of a blog sharing weird and out of the ordinary insights on whatever. Well, being hyperactive and an avid challenger of life, I can't really avoid talking about myself and all my deeds.I break the essence of my web address, so.....

WarpedOpinion.com will be closing soon. I heard its on the September 16th, on its first anniversary. Sad. Its been a year that I have been working on this and suddenly it has to... wait... I won't stop blogging. I'll just be transferring to another address that is: leolutero.blogspot.com (bookmark!). Those who have already enrolled their E-mail to the Google's system will still receive their updates. If you haven't done so, do it now with the widget at the top right side of this blog.

I also broke my earphones which are second to the most expensive(iestest) pair of hearing paraphernalia I have ever bought. Its sad because I'm really an audiophile that at night, I sometimes hear my ears telling me to get a life and stop listening at full volume. I browsed through my photos and I saw this:

This was the last day of the normal life of my Nike Motion earphones with a slim white band (it doesn't deserve being called headphones). I was swinging at Assumption Iloilo with it and it had motion sickness. It died soon afterwards. (Don't mind the girl in pink in the background. hahaha)

Its been a few days since the last blog post. I have been really busy and I'm just doing this quick post to make sure that my few readers wouldn't suddenly get 'effed up wondering where all the trash they have been reading has been dumped away.

I really love blogging and I just realized that no matter how busy I am, I always try to find time and inspiration to write down mediocrity.

We Give Them A Reason

Being Filipino, I was alarmed when HK citizens started calling us names and started hating our race. Here is a reason:

Photos from the crime scene foregrounded by monkeys

 

WTF?!?! All of you are in uniforms you could have not worn if you didn't go through elementary. In elementary, I was taught about respect. Ignorance is not a reason here. Visiting a crime scene for a candid photo shoot is a grave insult to the lives lost and the families in mourning of the hostage incident. Some Filipinos can really be stupid. Stupid to the max. Stupid to the highest level stupid.

Dikol Gin

Tourist guides and extremely doctored TV footage might tell you that signs of being in Iloilo are a.) sniffing the stomach-curling scent of batchoy or 2.) being constantly thrilled by Hispanic churches and structures which survived the emergence of cellphones and the internet, but they forgot one vital pointer which you will encounter in the next sentence.

Beautiful architecture and batchoy isn't what all Iloilo is about, did anyone still notice the radio broadcasters of Iloilo. They seem to infuse every language with an Ilonggo trait. Samples are:

1. "News brought to you by Dikol Gin, no drowse."
2. 'Sir, ilan po ang napilas (local of nasugatan) sa aksidente?'
3. "Si kasamang Ed live galing Spain!. 
     Broadcaster: Ed? 
     Ed: Magandong hapon po galing sa Spain. 
     Broadcaster: Uuula Ed." 

CebuPacificAir.com Flight Sale and My Favorite Knife

I knew the day before that Cebu Pacific will be lowering their airfares from thousands to fifteen pesos. Thats ten plus five pesos. Meaning, with twenty pesos, you can either go to Manila and enjoy ice water or buy a Cornetto ice cream.

Of course, I planned all the possible flights my family can take. After I hit the search button, this little message gets through:

Cebu Pacific, I introduce you to my knife. Which I am now very inspired to drive deep into your flesh. What a shame that your header's background is yellow. You are a blasphemy to the INAUGURATION of Noynoy.

How to be happy

Apparently, some of my Facebook friends shake with fear upon reading my status updates. I have been moody and extraordinarily sensitive these times so most of my statuses for the last month have been comparable to suicide notes. I have received the message and I learned my lesson: Facebook, no matter how open to the violent public, is still braved by sensitive people.

So from now on, I'm happy online. Except for my blog which is rarely read.

And if you ask me how to be happy? Force yourself to be. Happiness is a product of effort. For example, in front of tons of assignments, a failing heart, a turmoil of emotions, and a lot of other hell sent stuff, give a giant smile. Now your happy. But seriously though, happiness needs effort.

Screen Caps of Glee Season 1 Finale

Here are my  screencaps of the Season 1 finale of Glee. 

It wasn't a good way to end a good season. The whole episode was out of balance in emotions but the ending suggested a season 2.

I started getting attached to Glee since I finally figured out what type of person Rachel was. She boasts only the truth and she works for what she wants. I like her although she might have flexed her jaws too much that sometimes when she sings, it confuses me. Am I watching a Jaws installment or a musical? I bet she can chew her whole hand.

Too bad I had to watch Glee from an illegal source. Hulu and Fox streaming websites fear that our third world country will have the equipment to hack their websites. As far as I know, internet advancements in the Philippines are heavily limited by equipment (and definitely not by brains). My teacher even said the Philippine inter-networks are 'dirty'. He said that accessing local websites still require global cooperation when requests and access could easily be processed and transmitted locally.   Just imagine sending a package from Iloilo to Guatamela and then to Manila! 

I can't really rant about why the government doesn't care about our internet technology because I'm glad we are focusing on teaching the youth how to use computers, thus computer science subjects. You know what they say: "Aanhin mo nga naman ang damo, kung brain dead and kabayo mo." I'll rather teach a horse how to chew before buying tons of his food. 

How air conditioning can advance your death

Many people would prefer using air conditioners to counter the extreme Philippine heat that can cause heat strokes or even sudden viand-ism (symptoms are: just imagine an egg frying then imagine the egg being you). Even more people dislike my idea of cheaper electric fans over expensive air conditioners. Let me explain to you what you are not liking.

For example, I use the aircon everytime I feel uncomfortable with the temperature. I am afterwards relieved of all the stresses of global warming. After a few months, scientists were right and global warming raises the temperature of earth severely, leaving all air conditioners useless and weak life dead. When I say weak life, that includes me. I'm dead.

Why weak? Because of the aircon, your body didn't get to warm up its normal responses to hot temperature so the next time you expose yourself to temperature more than 22 degrees Celsius, you sweat like a pig. After several more hours, you dehydrate, imitate a raisin and die with your air conditioner. Thats why in my residence, I keep the aircon off as much as possible. Added to the longer lifespan you will receive is a more possible electric bill.

If this article ever becomes famous, electric fan manufacturers should pay me.

On travelling

At high hopes of capturing a leprechaun or anything unusual, I stuck my phone video camera on the car window and started recording. Tell me if you see something unusual.

Everytime I realize the video quality is very bad, I have to think that cellphones were made for communications and not to replace video cameras.

Eye Candy

Read the description (in red) before trying to read the whole thing.

I did not make this image and I don't approve of the message. I am just a fan of how it works.

Ode to Sickness

What is the best way to spend lazy days of bed rest? Writing poems, of course!

I looked at the thermometer

Eager to know if I have a fever

I drowned it in my armpit

And waited for a minute

I read the numbers

38.7 degrees Celsius it whispers

Shocked to know I have a fever

But glad it wasn’t from Justin Bieber

I felt the headache

Also the distributed muscle aches

I twisted and turned

Until the most comfortable position I earned

I was in bed for hours

It felt like I was behind bars

The sickness came to stay

I’ll pay just to make it go away!

Its been three days since the day it came

Thank God I feel less lame

But I wonder when I will be

Good as new just like a baby

-Ode to Sickness, an original

Ay, Kulangot?!?!

Have you ever suffered talking to someone with booger peeking out their noses? I know how awkward it can be. I went through it for over a hundred of times already, most of the time with the same person. Usually though, I’m not the one with the nose dirt hanging out. While writing this, I am contemplating that snot on the face will forever be more captivating than the conversation itself nor the speaker’s face.

Up to date, I have found no solution to this problem aside from implementing strict nasal hygiene.

 

Picking of the nose isn’t taboo. Even celebrities do it.

But you have to remember, privacy is a must in cleaning your nostrils!

Phew

the election coverage was tiring to watch.

The Philippine just underwent a historical election and it moved me. It moved me so much that I can't even find in my heart time to create another blog post. Sorry for this very shitty post but I just can't write. Even though I haven't had a contact with a PCOS machine this whole time, I still feel the sanctity of this voting thing. Although I have to note, the PCOS machine's appearance did not fail to remind me of black garbage bags. I guess they are of the same material and I'm wondering if anytime soon, I would see the big rectangular bins on sale in bargain markets. They looked very handy with laundry.

And to end a day with good music, play the video above and hear Noynoy's campaign song which musically, is a milestone.

Anyway, a new government for the win!

Why We Need the Hate Button

Facebook has transformed itself a couple of times since I signed up last year May. From a kindergarten level website, it became this whole new blue complexity. Its latest change was incinerating the 'Become a fan' button and putting a lamer 'Like' button instead. Despite big Facebook groups who beg to bring back the old features, it doesn't seem to care. A particular group asked for a 'hate' button beside the 'like' button. I just saw the reason why:

I don't understand why Facebook keeps on replacing its good aspects. Maybe because Facebook is a super power. Any change in it will still make it valuable. We have made it extremely important. Its all our fault.

The Jejemon Hate

 Pictures speak a thousand words. This one talks with vomit.

You visit your Facebook account. A friend request! You smile knowing your nearing the million friend count. You check out the 'new friend'. You see a "jejeje.. gHuD mOrhhNing pOw". You wonder what alien language it is. You read it out loud and you get what the message is. You curse yourself for wasting energy understanding something very basic. You look at the Paint-edited profile picture. The background is an internet cafe. Its a JEJEMON! You delete IT from your friends list and you try to sleep, hoping you will forget your encounter upon waking. You wake up, log on to Facebook. 5 friend requests. Noooo!!!!

That is what I call a horror story. Something all of us can relate to. I hate jejemons because I think what they lack in creativity and correctness in using the language, they make up for with Caps Lock and 'sounds-alike' spelling. Replacing 's' with a 'z' is not cool. Does 'zhit' sound evil enough to you?

The video above almost made me change my color to orange.

I Hate P-Pop

A P-pop (Pinoy pop) band called 'XLR8' pronounced as 'accelerate' (Jejemon alert) just released its first self-titled album. All I can say is that THEY CAN SUCK IT!

I had a rush of hate the first time I saw the album. It was coincidentally reclining on the shelves besides Super Junior's album which looks like this:

Compare the pictures and sniff with me the pungent smell of 'plagiarism'. 

The Philippines has talent but it seems to be scarce in originality. Is the Pinoy pop group scene confident they can steal the show by copying other works? Again, they can suck it.

Dancing On Peace

The least likely people to do a remake of Lady Gaga are tough guys but the internet would not be what it is without its defiance of limits. So here is a remake of Telephone starring on mission soldiers from Afghanistan. No joke.



According to the description of the video, this is not the final cut. Lady Gaga is taking over. I never knew Lady Gaga and the Vikings had much alike.

Is it weird I find this funny?

Gummi Bear Surgeries

If you want more of fun like this and more, click here.