Panic for Paranoia

Every student in Pisay Western Visayas (not sure about the other campuses) who desires graduation must at least once in his/her life submit him/herself to a research defense. The research defense is an event characterized by a group of at least 4 teachers, a projector, a laptop and one or more students. On a wall, a Powerpoint presentation is projected. On the table, food is consumed. On the minds, a sort of forest fair. 

Now, the research teachers are in rush to get us into data gathering but before any gathering, you need to undergo defense. I had my share of staring at classmates walking back and forth, being restless and panicky, crying in fear, drowning in sweat and a lot of other disturbing behaviors so I have to share my experiences with defense.

We managed to schedule our defense late last school year, ahead of more than 75% of the batch. Not because we feed and live on research, but because our problem was simple.

It was an afternoon. With a laptop, some Coke cans and bread, and a cellphone on my hand (I have a big hand) and two groupmates behind me, we prepared for our defense. Apparently, nature preferred that I be a speaker than a paperwork person. Almost all the print-outs and information was contributed by my groupmates. I felt the pressure to talk a lot. We were scared. Imagine you saw an old woman staring down at you while you deposit funds in the toilet. It was that scary.

We entered the room, hooked up the wires and started presenting. I felt like every breath, every heart beat, every twitch was watched by the panel. I couldn't wipe my face, scratch my nose or even breath at a normal pace. My brain was also in turmoil. The energy I spent on thinking consumed all of my meals that day. It was like being a super paranoid for an hour. The questions of the panel felt like stabs to my heart. After the defense, nothing else mattered than cheering myself up to recover. Unfortunately, my coping mechanisms involves dancing, excessive singing and a lot more. Authorities said mortality rate increased afterwards.

Although the goals of the defense is to make sure no major error is committed when the work is on the final steps (invalidating your two years of research), it can be very stressful. I don't condemn this practice and I understand that to be a good scientist you need to accept scrutiny. I'm just sharing about what an emotional roller coaster a teen has to go through every defense.