Relapse

I have already decided that I should work with the fact that nobody will ever understand me. I have learned this from several, repetitive event in my past. Samples below:

(I will be writing in personal code and will only give a super(100x)ficial concept, otherwise you will be alarmed and you will get me arrested for just being alive)

Organism A was significant (hereafter referred to as A). A was one of the few reasons I was scared that I have to be someone I'm not to make good friends. A was really happy when I was in confusion and fear. A did things beyond reason that I did not enjoy directly. A found it fun and when I see A having fun, it becomes fun for me, too. Now, A is being an ass, telling me that its all my damn fault when it was behind the wheel all the way. (Confusing but our brains just need to work once in a while).

Lets go to Organism B. Organism B was once a good friend of A but things really change. Organism B blames me for some of its problems. A didn't know about me and B. B indirectly said that if I didn't exist, its problems should have been fractioned by millions. It was painful to know you are a pain in the ass. I like A as a friend. I wanted him to be happy so I had to drift away.

Organism C is a different story. C enjoys a lot as I do and we both have problems beyond teenage capacity. We can relate to each other and we enjoy each other's company. Organism X, Y and Z started talking trash but C and I stood strong. I pity C because it turned itself into something less than its potentials. I could understand because I share its problems. I want to help C but I remind myself that I only serve confusion.

Organism fictional letter 'zoolah' is in a faraway land. I'm happy he's actually away.

AND I find it hard to earn new friends because being my friend means you need to face a crowded room and be scrutinized by a lot of mean people until you become god. I am very hard to be with and its really hard to find a friend brave enough to stand by. I sometimes always wonder if there will be somebody out there who would dare stand by me. I'm too weak to see somebody nice suffer and yes, I am whiney.

(awkward silence. unprecedented degree of seriousness). Don't assume you know ABCXYZ or 'zoolah'. 

Don't forget to subscribe to the tried and tested, error free, super-clean e-mail NEW blog post delivery system, brought to you by GOOGLE! Just check out the box on the upper left of this blog and you will see a widget begging for your e-mail. Feed it, friend!