The problem is myself. I find it hard to realize that I am special and that I am unique. I only believe that I am mediocre and I despise that. Every time I say out loud that I love myself or that I look good, a part of me burns because I long for the day when I will truly learn to love myself, then I would stop longing to be someone different.
Over thinking only leads me to depressing ideas that seem to be the truth. I talk a lot, joke a lot and consequently laugh a lot but growing up will teach us that a laugh is not happiness. The complexity of the mind is a mystery and being that, I only look at it as a complicated maze where I am losing myself.
My heart is speaking to my brain. Its saying that maybe, being a human is too complex for my soul. But I know that I am not average in the level of thought I put into things. Paralysis by analysis. Ugh. I never get paralyzed by thought! I'm more on the ADHD side of thinking. The thinking process keeps me moving and moving a lot which results to finishing nothing. I am a failure.
What keeps me alive? The light at the end of this long tunnel and the curiosity on how it would feel to be happy because of what you are.
Maybe its just my fault that I put myself down too much that I do not appreciate myself; but what is there to appreciate in a barren but active mind. My mind is constantly in motion but it seems to lack in substance that is more related to life than science.
Science. It is supposed to procure answers but all it seems to do for me is to create more and more choices to decisions normal people should take, in short, it causes confusion and more 'Why?'s. Science is supposed to satiate the brain's hunger for content but for me, it keeps my brain hungry. I guess the brain's longing for knowledge is by the longing of knowledge to itself. Unless we figure out the universal answer, learning will be infinite.
This is not wisdom literature, this is an excerpt from my daydream.
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